Affirmation in My Pocket

 I was donning a new pair of jeans recently and noticed something I’d missed before.  My pants were talking to me.

Actually, it was the pocket lining.  It said things like “You’re great!” and “You’re an inspiration!”

Wow.  I’ve never received affirmation from my pants before.  It makes me consider the possibilities …. (cue dreamy music here)

What if my wallet spoke to me each time I opened it?  It could be helpful savings advice “Do you REALLY need to spend $35 on a cute notepad when the one from the dollar store does the same thing?”  or “Put that money back, sucker!”  or—most accurately—“Those chips will end up on your hips!”

When you crank the car…. “Do you have enough gas?  Are your tires properly inflated?  Did you bring a warm jacket?”  (OK, yes, maybe the car channels my mom—I do call it “The Mothership”—but mainly because it’s big enough to have its own satellites in orbit.)

My hairbrush could affirm that “only my hairdresser knows for sure” and that “I’m worth it.”  The toothbrush could tell me how dazzling my smile is and that my breath is fresh enough to birth baby goddesses.  

My garbage disposal and my trashcan will team up to tell me if I’m eating enough fruit and fiber.  My toilet paper will tell me everything’s OK in that department because bears poop in the woods.  (I really don’t want to confess as to how long it took me to understand that commercial.)

You know, I really like the idea of my pants giving me positive feedback.  Normally, they only say things like “Getting a little snug, are we?”